Despite my having retired* from writing, I have committed to writing something for the site every week day of this month. All the content creation “experts” advise to bulk up and make batches of work that you can schedule to publish. That doesn’t resonate with me.

So, I’ve been allowing each day to guide me on what to write about.

But today didn’t go as planned. On top of everything going wrong, my neighbourhood has been without electricity for 6 hours so I’m writing this on my phone. I’m on 48% battery. Because of all of this, I thought: ja, no, I guess I can’t put anything up on the site today.

But I made a commitment.

Then, as I was scrolling through the gram, I came across an insta story posted by Melanie Bala. If you know me, you know she’s my friend in my head so I often enjoy her posts. This particular Insta story? I wouldn’t use the word enjoy because it pretty much punched me in the ribs. Ha!

It contained some words from the Talmud via Rev Julia Roth. The last part is what read me. It said: “You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.”

Phew.

The “work” I committed to for this site, sure. And the work I get paid to do even when I don’t feel like doing it, no doubt. But most importantly,the work of my life. I don’t haaaaaave to show up in the world as the person I believe myself to be. Especially when it’s challenging to do so. But I’m also not at liberty to chuck a deuce and leave it. Not because of who may be relying on it or other external forces but because I am worth showing up for. I am my first priority. Or at least I should be.

This reminds me of something I saw, again on the gram, this week. The sentiment was: just because you offer self-compassion doesn’t mean you are off the hook from doing the work.

So I’m here, doing the work. This is what I felt compelled to write today and it fulfills my commitment of posting something every weekday. But more than that, I am doing the work on myself. The work is giving myself a chance. The work is attempting to love myself. The work is still showing up with my best foot forward despite having a difficult day. Eskom, be damned.

I hope I find the courage to show up again tomorrow.

*we’ll talk about this later. Ts & Cs apply.